Went and saw my local doc who really is a good guy. He never charges me for consults, just bulk bills everything. He got some mail about me today from the hospital about the latest surgery, but I went to see him about this virus I now have. Yes indeedy, it is a virus. He said I had diagnosed myself well LOL, and I had prescribed myself 2 days of Cortisone for the chest wheezing. I didn't take the cortisone today, but he said that I had quite bad wheezing and a fever. Now, I'm taking some strong antihistamine tablets and nasal spray, some Panadeine and some more antibiotics to stop it going bacterial in my sinuses and chest. He's told me I won't be able to work tomorrow and it might take me a couple more days to get well. I'll just see where I'm at tomorrow.
I had a look around for Julian Assange's book Cypherlink, and couldn't get it, but instead got his biography "Underground" which I've just started reading. I think I'm in for another long night as it is impossible for me to lie down on my bed, no matter how many pillows I have. It just makes me cough and cough so I will try and rest in a chair and read.
I managed to bath the dog who looks and smells very nice, but my place is looking a bit of a mess.
I really can't work out this man who I see. He leaves messages on my voicemail telling me he loves me, and yet some of the things he does and says to me don't make him look as though he is interested or values me. In the past, this type of thing has happened many times before. It usually ended when I was discarded by those men for somebody else - always a younger, prettier, fresher woman with more money and more going for her than I have. The men would tell me what a poor catch I had been. One of them came back on the scene in recent times - contacting me about his dog. Doggie and I just adored each other and he said she has been very sick and frail and would I like to spend time with her - and I did. I'm going to have her again and was supposed to take her other times but due to needing surgery had to postpone. I told the ex about the cancer and he offered to come with me. He has another woman in his life last he was telling me. Of course she is younger than I am, and yes, more money - she was widowed suddenly 8 months before they got together.
I am no longer interested in that ex or any of the others. My judgement which could be very wrong tells me to take caution, to aim not to be on bad terms with anyone, but to take care of myself, protect myself and save my most inner self for myself these days.
I have some sad and teary moments when I'm alone, telling myself that I likely missed out on love in this lifetime, but that is okay. I have other good things, and not everyone gets to experience what is probably an idealised type of love.
So looking forward to seeing my beautiful son when I am a bit better. I don't him to come visit while I have this infectious illness. I'll miss him when he is overseas for 6 months later in the year, but I'll be sure to encourage him to go and have the time of his life.
That's about it for now.
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I had an unusual dream last night. It was one of those dreams which seem so real. I dreamed that I met my favourite teenage heart throb singer. Not as impossible as it might seem. I am mature-aged and in the last couple of years, met 3 of my favourite musicians in the last 2 years - at the local pub to me and had quite a chat with all of them.
Anyway, I met my heart throb - his name is John. He is still a celebrity and successful performer here is Australia, and by co-incidence lives not far away from me (in real life), although I have not spoken to him since I was 12 years old. In my dream, my heart throb told me that he loved me very much and wanted to be with me. I spent some time with him. I don't recall swapping telephone numbers, but every few months, he would call me and want to see me and spend time with me. Even though I loved him very much, I knew that I could only see him when he contacted me, that I couldn't call him and that he would only appear in my life each couple of months, and likely to simply stop contacting me at some point I would not be able to predict. I seemed to accept this although I felt sad about it.
One day, when I had been with him, I lost him in a crowd. I became very confused and found myself at a large hospital. I have worked doing nursing type work with an agency and wondered if I was at the hospital because I was supposed to be working there. I went in and spoke with the nurses in the office. It was very confusing. I rang my employer to ask if I should be at the hospital. They said no. I couldn't find my car and knew I was a long way from home. I didn't have my heart throbs telephone number so couldn't ask him where he or my car was.
Now that I have written this down, I'm certain I know what I was telling myself.
Previous PostsOn The Road to Recovery, posted February 25th, 2013
We're In a Heat Wave and I Have a Rotten Head Cold, posted February 24th, 2013
I Think I Am Trying to Tell Myself Something in My Dream, posted February 18th, 2013
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